Rest in peace Grandma

As I already mentioned on Facebook, Wednesday morning I received the phone call from my mom that I've been pretty much dreading ever since I moved to Wisconsin. Sadly, my grandmother passed away Tuesday/Wednesday during the night.

This is a picture of my grandma, holding me when I was just a wee little baby. I was about a month old in this picture. I wrote a little bit about her in a manicure post I did for her 92nd birthday last month.

I've really been struggling, because I had to make the difficult decision of whether or not I wanted to go back to Ohio for the funeral and I only had a few hours to decide. In the end, I decided it was better for me to stay here.  I'm really sad that I'm going to miss seeing all of my cousins, aunts, uncles and of course my mom, but I just had to do what was best for me.  Everything becomes so much more difficult after you have a brain injury, and I knew that while this was going to be hard, going back to Ohio would be even harder for me. So I stayed. I'm mostly been just keeping busy, while trying to stick to my regular routine because that's what's the best for me. I'm sad because my grandma is gone, but I'm also really happy for her because she's no longer suffering, and she's finally with God, and my grandpa. It's been just over 15 years since my grandpa passed away, and I can't imagine how hard that must have been for grandma all of these years being without him. I am happy they're together again, and I just know that everything will be OK.


Mentally, I'm still kind of all over the place. I didn't realize how much so until a few hours ago.. I really am pretty emotionally exhausted. So I'm going to keep this pretty short. I do have a manicure post I'm going to type up in a little bit, but I do have a few other things to get to first, including trying to figure out some memory to share with my family... but hopefully I'll get to the manicure post tonight. Like I said, for me it really is best if I continue doing my usual routine. I know that's probably hard for some people to understand.... believe me, I've been doing a lot of thinking about those lost over the years and I've come to the conclusion I mourn differently depending upon the person but by and large I'm OK and I *think* it's because I know my family members are all in God's hands. My grandma gave me that faith, and it's really grown stronger over the past month or so. I know, really know, she's with God now.

So anyway, I was rambling about how we each mourn differently? I remember very well when my Grandma Snyder died. We lived with her, and I was only 7 or 8 when she died. I don't remember crying at all... but my sister, my poor sister cried her little eyes out. Losing our loved ones seems to be especially difficult for her. I always felt bad because I didn't cry for my Grandma Snyder, but now I understand that's just how I dealt with it. Because I lost her so early on in my life, my Grandma Ferrell has become just Grandma. Now all of my grandparents are gone :(

I'm rambling again so I'm just going to end this. I just wanted to share some of the thoughts that have been going through my head the past few days. I also just wanted to let you know that yes, of course I'm sad, but really I'm OK :)

Love you Grandma & will miss you always!