Nothing in life is guaranteed

It's funny timing that I started blogging again last week, and blogging about distractions. This past week has really shown me how quickly life can throw us for a curve. Last week I was starting to feel better, and in fact feel better than my usual - I noticed eating wheat germ seems to clear my usual brain fog so apparently I'm going to have to make it a new staple to my diet (all those people out there who claim wheat causes brain fog - yeah, I just have to be contrary.) My husband started a new job, which was going to put us financially in a better position. Things were looking up.

Enter last weekend. My husband got sick, then Monday I woke up definitely sick. It's been impossible to be motivated to do anything - especially with the obvious looming over our heads: my husband not only got sick, he was much too sick to work and so he lost the new job. We both feel he was there long enough to learn an important lesson : that particular job wasn't for him, obviously by how the situation was handled with his former employer but it's also pretty obvious he needs a break from factory work. He's been exposed to so many harmful chemicals over the past few years by working in factories, and it's gotten us no where. Unfortunately, most of the jobs where we live are factory jobs so that leaves us with few options. This is a troubling time for us, because in the short of it, we're looking at a drastic change to how we've been living so I'll have to be smarter about our purchases and menu planning. Looks like I won't be stocking up for winter as I normally do, which that alone makes me nervous since living in Wisconsin you just never know when the weather is going to turn on you (we got a freak snow storm today - our first snow of the year as far as I know.)

I'm thankful for more time to spend together - I'm not one to believe in a 50+ hour work week, not when you have a family at home missing you. Money can only buy so much, and it's not happiness.

I'm looking forward to seeing what God has in store for us in this new chapter in our lives, even if I am nervous and a bit scared. I don't like all of the uncertainty.

I'm hoping to still be able to blog - I'm thankful I'm feeling well enough to do so today, despite a weather related / sleep deprivation headache. Getting better, but it's taking much rest and time, like all things.

So, just your friendly, afternoon weekend reminder - don't take anything for granted because it can change in an instant.

... and then there were potato chips.

So the other day I was blogging about distractions keep us from living our lives or more specifically in my case, those which keep me from writing. Yesterday was one of those days. One of the things I really dislike about myself is my inability to adapt. I wake up with a plan for the day in my head, and if anything throws off that plan - at least on a wrong day - forget about it. Yesterday was my shopping day - I was tired from interrupted sleep and even though I knew I should only buy a few things at the grocery store, I took my shopping cart instead. I've noticed one of my bad spending habits is spending more money when I go shopping tired but also when I take my cart (good time to stock up, right?) I usually have all of my shopping done and put away by 3:30 or 4 at the latest so then exercise at 4:30. With this new schedule, no such luck. I didn't get home until after 4 so things weren't put away until 4:30. That little difference in my routine disoriented me enough to completely throw off my day. What stopped me from exercising yesterday? (well, exercising in addition to all those groceries I lugged in the house, and walking to and from the store.) Me, of course. I'm not entirely sure how to adapt to things better, but at least I'm self aware of these things now.

And then, as the title of this blog post reads... and then there were potato chips. I love potato chips. I don't typically over eat, but those are one food I could binge on and don't get me anywhere near chip dip. Yesterday my husband wanted potato chips for the weekend. I'm not supposed to eat potatoes on my diet. At all. I've learned numerous times they are not good for me. Did it stop me from eating those chips? Of course not.

So today begins, first thing in the morning I woke up two hours early and noticed immediately the furnace was not running correctly. Bonus to my exhausted, stressed out state - those potato chips I ate yesterday have entered my system and all day I've been at my wit's end... feeling as though on a cliff, just waiting for the panic attack to take hold. To make matter's worse, I didn't write yesterday aside from my daily journal so my creative energies were being stifled and dragging me into a depressed state. In short, today I'm a mess.

But I was reflecting on my journal question of the day - what motivates you? One of the things I have found with journalism, and using these 30 day journal e-books, is I come upon questions I have much difficulty answering without some serious reflection. Which is pretty much the point, right? What motivates you, for me was not an easy question to answer and one I still need to reflect on further. My initial thought was fear - but no, really it keeps me frozen in place, quite the opposite. I was thinking back on yesterday, thinking about how just that little bit of disruption to my routine allowed me to completely throw off my plans and how it just spiraled into further bad choices. (All of these things I've read about, of course... but I'm stubborn and have to live through something to truly understand it and put the pieces together in my mind.) I really, really don't like feeling as I have today, and most days I don't. But you know what? I realized I have control of how I respond to things TODAY - I can either just soak in my misery or move ahead and get past the troubles of this morning.

So, even though I'm exhausted and fuzzy headed, I opted to write this post. Because I NEED to write. To what end, who knows? I do know it helps me, and I know it helps seeing things from a different perspective.

So often I get caught up in my future plans or past worries, I forget to live NOW.  To just accept how things are now. Easier said than done at times, but I think I'm getting better at it (otherwise, I wouldn't be writing right now.)

I'm struck by a lyric from one of my favorite bands, My Ruin, which has randomly popped into my head: The past is just the past.

Normally I feel as though I'm living my life one step forward, ten steps back.. today, right now.. it's the opposite. A few steps back, but ten steps forward.

Keep moving forward, everyone <3