... and then there were potato chips.

So the other day I was blogging about distractions keep us from living our lives or more specifically in my case, those which keep me from writing. Yesterday was one of those days. One of the things I really dislike about myself is my inability to adapt. I wake up with a plan for the day in my head, and if anything throws off that plan - at least on a wrong day - forget about it. Yesterday was my shopping day - I was tired from interrupted sleep and even though I knew I should only buy a few things at the grocery store, I took my shopping cart instead. I've noticed one of my bad spending habits is spending more money when I go shopping tired but also when I take my cart (good time to stock up, right?) I usually have all of my shopping done and put away by 3:30 or 4 at the latest so then exercise at 4:30. With this new schedule, no such luck. I didn't get home until after 4 so things weren't put away until 4:30. That little difference in my routine disoriented me enough to completely throw off my day. What stopped me from exercising yesterday? (well, exercising in addition to all those groceries I lugged in the house, and walking to and from the store.) Me, of course. I'm not entirely sure how to adapt to things better, but at least I'm self aware of these things now.

And then, as the title of this blog post reads... and then there were potato chips. I love potato chips. I don't typically over eat, but those are one food I could binge on and don't get me anywhere near chip dip. Yesterday my husband wanted potato chips for the weekend. I'm not supposed to eat potatoes on my diet. At all. I've learned numerous times they are not good for me. Did it stop me from eating those chips? Of course not.

So today begins, first thing in the morning I woke up two hours early and noticed immediately the furnace was not running correctly. Bonus to my exhausted, stressed out state - those potato chips I ate yesterday have entered my system and all day I've been at my wit's end... feeling as though on a cliff, just waiting for the panic attack to take hold. To make matter's worse, I didn't write yesterday aside from my daily journal so my creative energies were being stifled and dragging me into a depressed state. In short, today I'm a mess.

But I was reflecting on my journal question of the day - what motivates you? One of the things I have found with journalism, and using these 30 day journal e-books, is I come upon questions I have much difficulty answering without some serious reflection. Which is pretty much the point, right? What motivates you, for me was not an easy question to answer and one I still need to reflect on further. My initial thought was fear - but no, really it keeps me frozen in place, quite the opposite. I was thinking back on yesterday, thinking about how just that little bit of disruption to my routine allowed me to completely throw off my plans and how it just spiraled into further bad choices. (All of these things I've read about, of course... but I'm stubborn and have to live through something to truly understand it and put the pieces together in my mind.) I really, really don't like feeling as I have today, and most days I don't. But you know what? I realized I have control of how I respond to things TODAY - I can either just soak in my misery or move ahead and get past the troubles of this morning.

So, even though I'm exhausted and fuzzy headed, I opted to write this post. Because I NEED to write. To what end, who knows? I do know it helps me, and I know it helps seeing things from a different perspective.

So often I get caught up in my future plans or past worries, I forget to live NOW.  To just accept how things are now. Easier said than done at times, but I think I'm getting better at it (otherwise, I wouldn't be writing right now.)

I'm struck by a lyric from one of my favorite bands, My Ruin, which has randomly popped into my head: The past is just the past.

Normally I feel as though I'm living my life one step forward, ten steps back.. today, right now.. it's the opposite. A few steps back, but ten steps forward.

Keep moving forward, everyone <3