Remembering Tim...

Happy Birthday, Tim. Today would have been your birthday...

I have a different kind of post today, it's not a happy fun one but it's a post I feel best written. When I was 17 I made friends with a British boy of my age over the Internet. We and another boy all became friends and we talked online for hours, mostly just being silly.. but I grew to know them both. I don't remember exactly how long I knew them, as that time period is kind of a blur in my mind (my seizures weren't yet under control.) Anyway, I came to find out my Internet friend Tim had committed suicide. I don't know for certain why, but I always suspected it was because he was gay. This was back in 1997, so people just weren't as acceptable of homosexuality as they are now.. it tears my heart to know that if he had just waited a few more years, things might have been better. Of course, that's just my own speculation, but whatever the reason here it is 16 years later on Tim's birthday and I'm still thinking of the friend I miss.

It's crazy how the world works.. back then, people would blow you off if you said you had friends online. It was still a pretty new idea. Now though, I think most if not all of you can appreciate it how one person can quickly become your friend, even if you've never met them in real life.

I'll probably talk about this some more soon, as next month is National Brain Injury Awareness month, but I too have struggled with thoughts of suicide due to my chronic pain, in part. Suicide is never the answer.

I hope my readers don't think any less of me for this post, but I wanted to get it out there... I know when you're that depressed and that desperate it seems like no one in the world cares about you. It just isn't true. A 17 year old boy half the world away touched my life and I don't know if I'll ever really forget him. Everything you say and do effects us all, even if it's on a tiny scale which in some eyes may seem insignificant. There are bigger things going on in this world, and we're just too small to see the big picture.

Please remember, you're not alone.